Fear

Failure. That fear may seem like a mild inconvenience, but in reality, it has prevented me from doing some potentially amazing things. I try to imagine the what I would be able to do if I knew I couldn't fail, and the possibilities truly seem endless. Maybe I'd start a business or move to a new country and start a new life. If I knew I couldn't fail and things wouldn't be any worse than they are now (not saying things are bad, they're actually pretty good) I would be able to do almost anything and go anywhere.

I'm not a risk-taker and that is simply because of my fear of failure. If a so-called "risk" contains even a slight chance of failure, I would have a really hard time taking that risk because of it. Even if a failure would result in no ill consequences, I still fear it. For example, I cannot get myself to apply to colleges that I am not sure if I can be admitted. I fear a letter in the mail that would contain a denial or wait list. So, I've only applied to schools that I know I'll get into. It's odd, really. I know that I'm far from alone, though.

It may root back to critics of my past. Failures, when you're young, result in being laughed at or mocked. If you raise your hand in class and get the question wrong, everybody looks at you and makes you feel really small. Middle school is the prime time for fearing failure, as so many classmates are downright cruel. Middle school is where people are trying to find out who they really are. In the process, many go along with people that have power. Often, people with "power" are the mean ones. There is a lot of unkindness during that age, and although it may not have affected  a whole lot me as far as I'm aware a whole lot, I'm sure many people are afraid of failure because of how people made them feel in middle school.

In golf, which is something I play A LOT, I fear shots sometimes. Golf is all about confidence, and if you know that you're going to hit a really good shot, you will. If you fear a potentially risky shot over the water, you'll hit it in the water. The rounds where I'm loose and  I'm certain that all of my practice has paid off are the ones where I play out of my mind. As soon as it's pressured and, I forget about how much I have practiced, and I often have fear out on the course.

Fear of failure is something that I'd love to get over. I'm not sure how to go about that, but it needs to be done.